Membership Tiers

Alright, degens, gather ‘round! We heard your pleas (and saw those rugged wallets), so we’ve upgraded our membership tiers—ensuring even the most smooth-brained apes get a shot at that juicy alpha. Be

Only Signals OG (1.069% Supply)

🔥 First access to signals (faster than your latest dating app rejection) 🔥 Basically insider trading (but totally legal, we pinky promise) 🔥 Flex on normie degens with your galaxy brain energy 🔥 Exclusive “Lambo Configurator” access (manifest it, ape harder)OG (1.069% supply)

OnlySignals Fans (0.42069% Supply)

⏳ 420.69-second delay (still earlier than your usual FOMO buys) ⏳ Smart money signals (smarter than your last 10 trades combined) ⏳ Better than your current strategy (which, let’s be honest, is nonexistent) ⏳ "I'm Kind of a Big Deal" badge for ultimate flexing

OnlySignals Degens (Now More Accessible!)

📉14.069-minute delay on the DAPP (for those who like to live dangerously) 📉 Access to basic features (because even smooth brains deserve love) 📉 Perfect for practicing your ‘buy high, sell low’ strategy 📉 Weekly "Cope & Hope" support group sessions (for when the charts aren’t charting)

The Ramen Noodle Tier (New!)

🏅69.420-minute delay (still faster than Internet Explorer) 🏅 Access to “Yesterday’s Hot Tips” (live alpha for those still using dial-up) 🏅 “I’m Just Happy to Be Here” participation trophy 🏅 Exclusive guide: “How to Turn $10 into $9 with Style”

Remember, degens, it’s not about the size of your wallet—it’s about the size of your... gains. Yeah, let’s go with that. Now, who’s ready to make some highly questionable financial decisions? 🚀